This is a selection of favorite writings and images from the now-defunct TBRP,
which was very active from 1995 to 2003, and sort of half-active from 2003 to 2007.
Now it is gone.

The Tiki Bar Review Pages site was replaced by the book Tiki Road Trip (in 2003).
The second edition of TRT (2007) is available NOW.
This is an archive - these pages are no longer updated!
Some information will be out of date.  Some of this writing goes back to 1995.
See Tiki Road Trip (2007 edition) for the most up-to-date information.

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Tiki Misadventures
in Baltimore

Full review and history of some of these locations
is available in Tiki Road Trip


Summer, 1997:

After leaving The Tiki Bar in Solomonds Island, Maryland at about 5PM on the day we reviewed it, we figured we could be in Baltimore by 7:00, in time to check out one or both of our leads there: Tiki Steak and Sub and The Best Western Hotel's Magic of Hawaii Luau.

Now, with a name like Tiki Steak and Sub, we didn't think we were going to discover the next Hala Kahiki. But, we figured at the very worst, it would be a sandwich shop with some Tikis nailed up on the walls.

Well, it was even worse than that.

Our map of Baltimore was sub-standard, and in spite of my normally excellent sense of direction and intuitive habit of getting where I need to be with or without a map, we got really lost. Finally, we found Tiki Steak and Sub.

Put shortly, Tiki Steak and Sub was in a condemned building an a condemned neighborhood in one of the worst ghettos I have ever seen. And keep in mind that I live in Chicago.  There are bad neighborhoods here.  Tiki Steak and Sub was closed, thank the Tiki Gods, or else I would have been tempted to have a quick peek inside, which would probably have ended with me getting shot.

Instead I snapped a pic so all of you could see how scary it is and STAY AWAY!!!

No Tikis
No Food
Rats (assumed)
Neighbors will shoot you
No drinks
Not even open Saturday at 7 PM
You will become a suffering bastard if you attempt to go to Tiki Steak and Sub.

...so then we went to the Best Western and got lost again on the way. When we got there, we found that there was no Tiki action whatsoever, and that the employees had no idea what we were talking about. Their web page tells all about this big Hawaiian show, which we assumed was held regularly. Even if there was no show going on, we figured the bar/restaurant in the hotel would have a Polynesian decor.

Nope.

Nada.

Nothin'

We explored the hotel anyway (5625 O'Donnel St.), thinking that maybe we could weasel our way into some storage room where all the stuff was stored for the show (assuming the employees were just stupid and the web page was indeed accurate) so as to confirm that it exists. No luck.


DO NOT GO TO BALTIMORE IF YOU'RE A POLYNESIAIC!

Tony Wilds <tony@WildsScene.com> writes:
As for Baltimore, there are all sorts of things with tiki in the name but no real tiki bars. It's a by-product of beach culture -- so you may get a thatched roof but it's all Bob Marley and Bud inside. Even a strip club has "Tammy's Tiki Bar" or something. My personal digs are a tiki watering hole sometimes, like last night...

Kim replies:
"Put shortly, Tiki Steak and Sub was in a condemned building an a condemned  neighborhood in one of the worst ghettos I have ever seen."

Haven't you ever been to Baltimore?  This is like the description of the whole city.  Its a complete hole.  You should probably just skip over any  rumors involving B-town you hear in the future no matter how cool the place sounds.  Oh, unless you WANT to get shot.  ;)


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