James Magic 8-ball
by James Addams

and

review: Onslaught by Mike Stackpole
by Mary Jo Fox

James Magic 8-ball
by James Addams

In 1998, with almost no confirmed spoiler knowledge, Mary Jo wrote a speculative article on how she felt Episode I would unfold.  It was amusing to read her follow-up a year later, which examined which points she scored well on and which points she missed entirely.  Actually, she did pretty well.  So, I thought I would try my hand at Episode II speculation.  At this point in time I have absolutely no plot knowledge of Episode II at all.  I have even less to go on than MJ did when she consulted her own oracle circa BH15.  So what follows are my early impressions of what we may see in Episode II.  If this magazine still exists in 2002, perhaps I’ll follow this article up in BH Episode 26 (June, 2002) and laugh.

 First of all I do think Palpatine and Sidious are the same person.  That seems obvious to me.  With Darth Maul out of the picture, Palpatine/Sidious (Palpidious?)  will have to find a new apprentice.  I don’t imagine that he will want to wait ten years to do so, and I therefore think that the latest Darth (or should it be Dar’th? - ever since 1977, I have speculated that Darth is a contraction of DAR k lord of the si TH) will already be trained and loyal to Palpidious at the start of Episode II.

 Now, I feel that this Sith Lord (“Darth ‘X’”) may in fact be a woman.  There are two reasons for this.  First, there has never been a female villain in the SW movies, and I think the zeitgeist dictates that it is about time for one.  Secondly, We all know that George Lucas felt a need to insert a cameo into Episode I at the last moment.  We have been told that this character will play a prominent role in Episode II.  This character is female, force sensitive, and also happens to hate Jedi.  Yup, it’s Aurra Sing.  The fact that she has also been on Tatooine makes it all the more likely that she will be there again for Episode II.  Maybe she works for Palpidious, and when Maul dies, he deems her the best suited of his minions to replace him.  Why did he have her on Tatoone?  To keep an eye on the clones.  What clones?  Read on.

 We have been told that the Clone Wars are to serve as a backdrop for the romance between Anakin and Amidala.  But what were the Clone Wars?  I think that Palpidious manipulated the Neimoidians into invading Naboo for more reasons than we think.  We know that he did it to consolidate his own political power, enabling his rise to the position of Supreme Chancellor in the Galactic Senate.  But maybe he also wanted a good look at the droid armies close-up, in his own back yard.  He confirmed his suspicions: they didn’t work very well.  Plotting years in advance for his eventual take over, he realized the need for better armies, and began developing cloning technology even before the events of Episode I.

 I have speculated that contrary to Timothy Zahn’s take that clones in the SW universe are grown in tanks, perhaps they need to be born of a host mother of their own species, just like real clones of animals here on earth.  One can guess with some certainty that the average Republic citizen would be unwilling to be a part of this twistedness.  Therefore, Palpidious would conduct his experiments in in secret, in places beyond the Republic.  Places where he wasn’t likely to get caught and exposed.  Places where crime and slavery go unnoticed.  Buying up slaves and conducting his cloning experiments on them is just the sort of thing our evil pre-dictator would do.  And when the slaves had served their purpose?  Get rid of them.  Wipe their memories or something and then sell them back to crime lords... such as Gardulla the Hutt.

So I conjecture: a slave named Shmi Skywalker is the victim of a cloning experiment.  Afterwards, she and the result of the experiment, her son Anakin, are sold off to Gardulla, who takes them to Tatooine and later sells them to Watto.  Years pass.  Qui-Gon meets Anakin and sees his great Force potential.  When he asks Shmi about Anakin’s father, Shmi doesn’t want to reveal the awful truth, and gives Qui-Gon a vague answer that isn’t a lie, but that does leave a lot out.  “There was no father.  I carried him, I gave birth, I can’t explain what happened”.  Is it that she can’t explain because she doesn’t know what happened, or because she is emotionally unable to confront her past?  In The Illustrated Screenplay (page 61) her quote is just a little longer, but adds tantalizing support to my theory: “There was no father that I know of.  I carried him, I gave birth, I can’t explain”.  “That I know of”?  What, she doesn’t remember?  Maybe she was made to forget.  Old Sith mind trick...  This could be when we find out that many (or even all) of the Tatooine slaves are unsuccessful cloning experiment victims.  Shortly thereafter, Anakin, Amidala, and Naboo forces (possibly against Jedi Council ruling), go to Tatooine to free Shmi and the slaves. Before becoming Palpidious’s main apprentice, it was the job of Darth ‘X’ to keep an eye on this situation (Hence Sing’s presence on Tatooine in TPM).  Palpidious realizes that Anakin might uncover the truth, and Sing/Darth ‘X’ is sent to make sure this doesn’t happen.  A big battle ensues between Palpatine’s successful clones (proto-stormtroopers lead by Darth ‘X’), and the slaves/weak clones who were being freed by Amidala’s people.  Of course, the clone armies kick ass.   Shmi is killed by Darth ‘X’, Jar Jar survives.  Anakin storms off in a rage.  Leaving Tatooine (without Anakin, but with C-3PO) Amidala uses her influence to make the public aware of the clones, and wars break out all over the place, one of which ravages Naboo in a huge underwater battle.  Remember in ROJ when Palpatine was trying to get Luke to turn to the dark side?  Remember his words as he tried to provoke Luke: “Hate me.  Strike me down with all of your anger and your journey towards the dark side will be complete.”  After the Tatooine fight, Anakin has just found out where he came from.  He is angry to be a clone of some other guy, he is angry that his mother was treated like a lab womp rat and eventually killed, and maybe he isn’t jibing with the Obi-Wan and the other Jedi too well.  He finds Palpidious, who goads Anakin in the same way he will provoke Luke some 25 years in the future.  Anakin knows that if he gives in to hate, he will be lost, but he can’t control himself.  Instead of striking down Palpidious, he kills Darth ‘X’ (in a spectacular duel, natch).  Palpidious escapes, but Anakin is now of the Dark Side.  With Shmi dead, Anakin MIA (as far as all the good guys are concerned), Palpidious possibly exposed, but still in control, and the Jedi futily trying to supress the Cone Wars, Episode II ends in a tone similar to Episode V (ESB) - a dark one.  In Episode III, Palpidious returns and finds the turned Anakin.  As Obi-Wan and Amidala try to stop him, Anakin leads Palpidious’s armies against the Jedi, and becomes Vader after all of that molten pit business.  Perhaps he is forced to kill Amidala to prove his loyalty to Palpidious.  And Jar Jar dies.  Some other speculation: I’m not sure what it means if a Jedi disappears when he dies.  Yoda and Obi Wan were both prepared to die; Qui Gon didn’t see it coming.  So that might be it.  Or maybe it has to do with purity to the light side.  Qui Gon could have been less than 100%.  Surely he was 99 and 44/100th percent good, but maybe that little rebellious streak cost him his ghostliness.  But then again, Anakin gets to be a ghost; and it is questionable as to whether he disappears since we only see the armor burning.  Certainly he is less pure than Qui-Gon, irregardless of his redemption.  And he had time to prepare.  As he lay on the boarding ramp of the shuttle asking Luke to take his mask off, he knew what was coming.  But Qui-Gon lived for a little while after Darth Maul mauled him, so I guess I don’t really have any solid theory.  Odds and ends:  Possible love triangle with Obi Wan wanting Amidala’s affection, bigger roles for Gungans and Obi-Wan than I have outlined here, and of course, Boba Fett.  Amidala pregnant at end of Episode II, kids born to Amidala hiding on Alderaan early in Ep III?  So have a laugh now, write this off as fan fic if you want to, but have a look back at this page in May of 2002.

review: Onslaught by Mike Stackpole
by Mary Jo Fox

You know you're reading a great book when even the first couple of chapters rock.

 A raid goes horribly wrong as unsuspecting pirates run headlong into some Yuuzhan Vong ships.  Then right after that, Leia makes a plea to the Senate for help against the Vong invaders only to be ridiculed and practically chased off the podium.  It's all go-go-go from there and it doesn't let up until it all ends 280-some pages later.

 Onslaught begins soon after the events of Vector Prime.  Even though Luke and Leia are in the thick of things again, the book's focus is on Jacen, Jaina, and Anakin.  Each Solo kid has unpleasant experiences with the Yuuzhan Vong, especially Jacen.  The poor boy is really put through the wringer.  Leia and her sole ally, our old Caamasi pal Senator Elegos A'Kla, mobilize forces on their own.  Luke goes back to Belkadan with Jacen, Corran Horn is sent to go look for a lost group of college students with an arrogant Jedi named Ganner, Anakin cares for an invalid Mara Jade on Dantooine, and Jaina joins Rogue Squadron-now under the command of Gavin Darklighter.  Lando, Wedge, and Tycho put in cameos.  Chewie is still dead.  And Han...?  Han's a real mess.  He's there only briefly, but he's drunk, dirty, unkempt, and ranting like a crazy man.

 The Vong continue their invasion of the Outer Rim.  We discover that they are capturing slaves and planting them with seeds so that coral grows out of their bodies.  The Vong's point-of-view isn't covered much here, but there are plenty of examples of their raw brutality.  Little discoveries are made over the course of the book that could ultimately arm the good guys with the knowledge they need to defeat the Vong.

Onslaught  cuts from subplot to subplot in an effort to keep things fast-paced and interesting.  All of the subplots converge at the end, where a huge battle takes place on Dantooine.  There's lots of action throughout with many nail biting moments.  Numerous times you're believing it's curtains for some characters or at the very least something really bad is about to happen to them.  Onslaught  is also a winner in the character development department.  Jaina looks for a way to step out of her mother's shadow, Anakin comes to terms with his guilt and learns some valuable lessons about the Force, and Jacen questions whether or not he's cut out for the Jedi way.  Gavin comes into his own as a leader, no longer just the kid on the squadron.  Luke and Mara fans will be very pleased with some of the romantic moments between the two of them.  Everyone is vulnerable, subject to fatigue and injury.  On the downside, Stackpole has several of his characters playing Dr. Laura at every given opportunity.  Elegos psychoanalyzes Leia, Corran psychoanalyzes Ganner, Danni psychoanalyzes Jaina, Danni psychoanalyzes Jacen, and Mara psychoanalyzes Anakin the way she did Luke in Visions of the Future.  Enough with the couch trip already!  Imagine the fun Mara could have with Woody Allen.  Maybe Elegos will get to be Han's 12-step counselor in rehab!  That said, I still enjoyed most the moments with Anakin and Mara, when she's not being overly preachy.  I liked their little exchange about tattoos.  Another quibble I had with the book is that once Han is left behind on Coruscant, nobody seems much concerned about him at all.  The guy is drinking himself into the gutter and nobody bothers to check on him or even think about him.  The kids don't seem to be affected at all; ask the folks at any Al-Anon meeting if that's realistic or not.  Sure, the Yuuzhan Vong is the greater threat sucking up everyone's attention at the moment, but even a sentence or two about the others worrying about Han would've been more than adequate.  As it stands I almost get the impression that they don't care.  Nevertheless, Onslaught is a fabulous book, expertly building upon the NJO groundwork established in Vector Prime.  The next novel in the series, Ruin  is due out in June.  Let's hope Stackpole can keep up the good work.

& <>

Blue Harvest Home Page     Back Issue List and Sample Articles
Tydirium Multimedia Homepage

I have maintained this web site since 1995. I write and create photos because I enjoy it. People tell me they enjoy reading this site, so I keep it going.     However... This site has cost me a lot of hours, and a lot of money. And, unlike my writing for magazines or books, there is no publisher sending me checks for the work I do on this site. So...	Tydirium Multimedia Left Orbit Temple Tiki Road Trip Big Stone Head Send e-mail to James Last updated on June 15, 2005
If you find my writing to be entertaining, valuable, insightful, or if you'd rather just attempt to bribe me to go away,  please consider a donation, in any amount. (perhaps the same amount as a magazine subscription or a book). Just click the button below, and it'll take you to PayPal.	Search Now:
"Tiki Bar Review Pages", "Tiki Road Trip", "Tydirium Multimedia",     "Left Orbit Temple",  "Chester Century", "Big Stone Head",  "TiPSY Factor", "Johnny Clash", "Tiki TV",  and  "Blue Harvest Magazine" are trademarks of James A. Teitelbaum	All material on this website is © Copyright 1994-2007 by James A. Teitelbaum. All rights reserved.  Unauthorized use is a violation of applicable laws.

.